Thursday, 17 May 2007

Eff you Mars!

So recent discoveries into extracting animal parts into effective and cheap ingredients for chocolate, the Master foods corporation have started adding rennet into their chocolate bars, I.e Mars snickers galaxy minstrels maltesers etc

So I can no longer take part in their chocolaty goodness, cos i don't eat meat.

However this is not a vegetarian ranting blog oh no, this is a blog about fun!

The essence of fun, is as you know enjoyment. Everyone has had fun I'm sure (and if you haven't then you're probably called Adolf (but this raises questions about did Hitler have fun killing Jews??!!??O_o)) So hopefully people understand this simple equation...

Now from this we can see that fun is a direct result of enjoyment over a period of time (there were a range of pie charts graphs and tables here but they were lost in the great excel cull of may 16Th 2007)

We now have to ask, seeing as we have the mathematical basis for fun, can fun be applied in any other format...for example in length or size.

Can fun be denoted in length is my main argument here because i feel, quite strongly, that whoever decided that two inch mars bars were fun, seriously needs to re-evaluate their measurement of enjoyment. I mean how is something less than half the size of a regular size Mars Bar fun?? Does the "Fun" in a chocolate bar begin at a lower length than previously thought?The answer to this question is no...the fun a c chocolate bar (using mars as a measurement) does not in-fact begin until the end of the 'R' in the name of said chocolate bar. (or for me not at all anymore) i feel that eating this too small a bar leads to less satisfaction, you want more than the solitary and frankly lonely mouthful you have just ingested, but if you eat another you are left thinking you should have stuck to one. So i call for a renaming of the "Fun size" chocolate bar to represent the feeling you get from eating it, either disappointment size or even Melancholic size.

However during my studies I did find out that kinglyness starts after the mythical end of a mars bar (Mythical now because the said king size does not exist due to too many people attempting to overthrow monarchies in too many countries. in 2006 the King size was reduced to the sad excuse the Mars Duo. Two slightly smaller than usual Mars bars, and although reaching over the "Fun length" each they counter act each others fun leading to disappointment and regret)

Tuesday, 8 May 2007

once more into the breech...well probably not the last time

heh now thats random....or is it..

im not sure you see if i say now thats random then do i immediately take all the randomness out of the situation or phrase..the answer is yes.

So todays blog will consist of things, possibly some stuff, yeh i think it will have some stuff in it.

But i wanted to know, where did the J go from J sainsburys? I mean theyre are a few left apparently. But i mean the apostrophe is still theyre which makes no sense in the slightest. I mean is it now a plural apostrophe???? it makes no sense. But i liked it when it was J..i mean i felt really quite special when I wandered in to the place it had an intial. makes people who are great in history like W.G Grace, T.S Elliot, J.K Rowling W.F.S Beer...i mean intials make anything better.

And who the fucking hell has got them? Who is hording all those J's? The lord of signs is who...and you know what he does with them, nothing, he hasn't built a palace or anything like that he only makes purile penis jokes with them, or goes "look im smoking a big fat jay" then chuckles and then cries because he has no friends and no money because he has no job....wanker

Also ive found myself hating Nike even more than usual just because of the stupid advert....here is a lifestyle that you can buy and run about in. gaaaaah it makes me mad every time i see it.

Thursday, 3 May 2007

calander


HA for once my title has somethign to do with my post...all be it wolly and slightly roundabout...and only to with a small proportion of the post..anyway

I was looking through my calander (see there it is blink and you'll miss it) of movie posters and i was wondering where the names for films come from so here we go!

January An MGM classic "The thin man" a murder mystery masterpiece from with william powell and Myrna Loy. The name for this film came from the fact that when they were orginally doing the film the scene where the police looked at the chalk outline, the artistic director had drawn said outline much too thin. The name leaped out of the floor...from this day on in films when an outline is needed they go a store of premade outlines of varying shapes and sizes..its big buisiness!

February on of the greatest films ever "Sunset Boulevard"...Not named after the road..its a common misconception in fact the road was named after the film. Which was actually named after someone looked down this nameless road in Hollywood whilst making the film and said wow look at the sunset, then sneezed and it sounded like boulevard.

March is Charlie Chaplins "Modern Times" there is no reason for this film title, charlie in character once threw a hissy fit and threw the scrabble tiles across the room and the formed this word

April Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in our next film "Top hat" called this because it was often commented that it looked like Fred Asraire had a Top hat in his trousers!

May Stanley Kubricks banned master work "Clockwork Orange". Stanley used to loose his keys when he just left them about the house, so when he came in he started putting them in an orange. So they were always in the same place and quite tasty if he ever sucked his keys (which he did often) SOmeone once mentioned that it looked like a clockwork orange..he had them killed for the comment but like the phrase so pinched it and decided to claim it as his own.

June sees in Double Indemnity with the gorgeous Barbara Stanwyck...This was named after the producer for the film look at his penis whilst stood next to a mirror and said to his wife...now this is compensation double indemnity!

July has gary cooper in the classic western "High Noon" named after Gary Cooper turned up stoned at midday and the Grip asked him what time it was and he said "It's High Noon bitches"

August This month sees in My Fair Lady, originally based on Pygmalion but this has nothing to do with the name of the film it actually comes from where they found Audrey Hepburn at a Fayre...but it didnt work right in the film so they changed the spelling...(this is the official release for the spelling error...the actual reason is they didnt have microsoft word spell check when they did the poster)

September and in Rocks "The Hustler" Staring the Amazing Paul Newman....this film is about a pool hustler...simple as...(September is a dull month so it fits u know)

October and we have a film noir classic La Dolce Vita. This was never the origional name for the film, it was originally called that fit lass over there. However someone said that that sort of phrase hadn't really been used in this context yet and wouldnt be used like this for a few decades, so the producer and writers threw a hissy fit and drank fourteen bottles of gin...in a quipping a cutting remark one of the writers said "Oh screw it why don't we just call it La Dolce Vita?" "Another writer who didn't understand sarcasm but could write some serious irony thought he was serious and put it on the film...it wasn't till it was too late that they realised what happened!

November a Marx brothers stunner now "A night at the Opera". This came about when during the first cut of the film Groucho said the phrase four hundered and eighty six times in twelve and a half minutes of film. As an in joke they named it after this incident. Groucho threatened to burn the studio down with a cigar because he was embarressed..thefilm got cut but the title remained

December finally we have one of the greatest thrillers of all time "Vertigo" from the master himself Alfred Hitchcock. This was named after the main characters fear of heights which forms most of the plot! (I couldnt be silly on this one cos its alfred hitchcock...you know!?!)

And that concludes the year in film
(All of this is made up apart from vertigo....It has nothign to do with any of the films....unless im right in which case it was a lucky guess plus i hope i dont get sued for that poster...its just a bit of fun )